Throwing myself a pity party

       Honestly, I really dont think that I have been very hormonal or moody during my pregnancy. I'm more inclined to hit sam if he's poking me or bugging me, but other than that- I really haven't felt like my temperament's changed much in general and Sam agrees. Only in the last two+ weeks have I really started to catch myself getting sad and mopey at night.
       Why am I getting mopey? Bluntly put: I feel like I'm fat and ugly. I've already gained 23+ pounds and apparently, if there's one thing to make a Lori instantly be sad, it's getting on the scale and seeing a 158 prematurely beaming back up at me. Then the baby book says things like, "you should have gained between 10-15 pounds at this point. If you've gained more than that, sucks to be you! You're now fat and there's nothing you can do about it until after the baby's born. Better luck in the weeks to come so you don't gain even more unnecessary weight" It's a bit more tactful than that, but the message is obviously there.
       I'm trying to not let it get me down. I don't feel like I look fat in my arms or legs or face, but it's hard to convince myself that I'm not fat when I look at my big round pudgy belly sitting out in front of me and the baby book tells me I've gained too much weight. Then there is indisputable evidence of overall fattiness, such as when I look at the difference between how wide I am in my 14-week front-on belly picture and my 24-week front-on belly picture. I know, I know- I'm pregnant blah blah blah. I also know things could be much worse, I get that. And really, some nights my belly looks all tight and cute and definitively pregnant and it makes me happy to look at it. Then other nights, I just look like a big, pale fatty with a beer gut. The fact that I've had phases of pneumonia for 3 weeks, I've been too tired to put on makeup or do my hair for about 5 months, and that I am no longer able to wear my cuter pregnancy pants/clothes because my belly's too big for them definitely doesn't help. Combine that with my acne-prone pregnancy skin and you have one Lori that's much more inclined to moping than previous versions of myself.
       I don't really feel like I'm eating all that much more than I did when I wasn't pregnant- but maybe I am and not noticing. I know the best bet would be to work out more, but my spine's already prone to self-inflicting irreparable damage with little provocation, and I really don't want to jack up my spine as I enter the third trimester- it's going to have more on its plate than it can handle as it is. We have been doing our prenatal yoga though, so I'm doing the exercises that should strengthen it without hurting it. I would go walking more, but it's between 16-25 degrees outside and I'm pretty sure I'd die.
       Sam's so sweet though. He's always telling me that my skin's just fine and that I'm not fat looking at all, just an adorable pregnant person. He honestly does a good job of cheering me up, but that doesn't make the sneaking suspicion that I may never be cute or beautiful again go completely away.
       Don't worry, I am not inviting everyone else to my pity party. This isn't some big "fishing for compliments" post. I just felt inclined to post how I'm actually feeling is all. Maybe 3 weeks after the baby comes and I've already lost an easy 45 pounds from mere breast-feeding and I can wear all of my cute clothes again and I start wearing makeup and doing my hair because I have all of my energy back in the mornings, I can look back at this and chuckle to myself and marvel at what a hormonal mess I was when I was pregnant, right? Holding on to delusions like that is the only thing that's keeping me going at this point, that and knowing that I'm going to have a sweet little baby to hold, dress up, and play with.