Etiquette when addressing pregnant ladies

       I know that the subject of addressing a pregnant woman's size is always an iffy topic, so I thought I'd at least share my opinion on the types of approaches that are most appreciated by me personally, and perhaps by the majority of pregnant women everywhere. Because I know I'm wordy and long-winded, I will let you all know now that this is probably more of an essay than a common blog post.
       Disclaimer: Your comments on the blog have been my source of happiness in regards to my self-perception during the pregnancy (along with Sam's never-ending support). Everyone has always said the nicest things on the blog that always cheered me up and kept me feeling comfortable posting pics and whatnot. But, my pics I took and posted online were usually of my bare tummy, or of myself wearing something tight so my belly's true shape could be seen. I don't wear spandex daily, nor do I go around flashing people- so the reactions that I get in day-to-day life differ greatly from the blogging world where only controlled pictures are posted.
       I have decided to address the two most commonly heard comments. Believe me, I know how strange it is that these comments are completely opposite from one another. Apparently, beauty (or perception in general) is truly in the eye of the beholder. The most confusing thing about being pregnant is trying to make heads or tails of conflicting comments or information you get from a billion different sources.

The most commonly heard comment: "You hardly look pregnant at all!" or "You're hardly showing yet"

How that was internalized by me the first half of my pregnancy:

       First off, from the day I started getting bloated or no longer having a perfectly flat stomach, I have felt "pregnant looking". Any time anyone commented to me that I did not look pregnant at all, made me feel:
       1) Sad for the lack of pregnancy recognition.
       2) Like I probably just looked like I was fat or out of shape as opposed to pregnant, which, though it was probably true, was not a perception I wanted confirmed by acquaintances.
       Though I had no discernible pregnant belly to a common onlooker when I was dressed in normal clothes does not mean that my actual belly did not look very pregnant at least to myself.
       Retrospectively, I dont know how "pregnant looking" people expected me to be at 1-5 months. I'd tell people "I'm 14 weeks pregnant" and they'd respond, "oh well you can't tell at all!" What does that mean? The general public needs to realize that most ladies don't look noticeably pregnant until 20 weeks+ or into their third trimester. So telling a 14-week pregnant person that they don't look identifiably pregnant is a rather moot point. The more appropriate response, if any need to be made, would be "you're looking great, have you noticed many changes?" This comment allows the pregnant lady to then say, "no, but I'm glad I look the same as I ever have" or, in my case, "I know you can't tell in normal clothes, but my stomach's changed so much already!", at which point I would hope to be congratulated for my pregnant progression.

How this comment is internalized by me now:

       I am now 6 months pregnant and have gained at least 25 pounds, so someone walking up to me and saying "you hardly look pregnant at all!" is really not good news to me. Though I'm sure that the person saying the comment thought that that would be music to my ears, meaning that I still look small in general or something, they are horribly wrong. Someone saying that I'm hardly showing or that I don't look very big yet does not comfort my brain in any way, shape, or form. My self-esteem honestly just needs justification from others that
       1) I do look decidedly pregnant.
       2) I am a cute pregnant person.
       Such recognition makes me feel that my progressive weight gain and bodily discomfort are at least justified in my pregnant condition. Someone saying I'm not showing much simply translates to my vulnerable head that to others, I just look like a normal, not particularly thin or attractive person. It also makes me feel like all my hard work at being pregnant is not acknowledged by others.

Second most commonly heard comment: "Wow, you're looking huge, do you have twins in there?!"

       This is a comment that leaves the pregnant girl confused in general because they don't know what was actually being implied. A rush of questions instantly fill my head when such a comment is made: Do I look huge like I'm fat? I'm I looking much more pregnant than I actually am? Maybe I'm further along than the doctor said, do I need to schedule another appointment or go to a different doctor for a second opinion? How pregnant should I be looking? Do I have twins I don't know about? Do I need to buy another crib?
       It's honestly just a mess of emotions. For me personally, I actually have enjoyed it when people would tell me I'm looking more pregnant than my actual weeks would indicate, because this made me feel like I was advancing and that other people are indeed noticing that I'm pregnant and special. In general though, I know that to many girls, being told that they look untimely large would crush their spirits and make them attempt pregnant bulimia (since anorexia is really just too ambitious for most pregnant ladies).

My proposed rules for etiquette when addressing pregnant ladies:

       1) If you really can't tell, always wait until a girl tells you she is indeed pregnant. Assuming someone is when they're not is awkward for obvious reasons.
       2) After pregnancy has been established, don't automatically feel the need to comment on size.
       3) If any comment is to be made on size, let it be "you're looking great, have you noticed many changes?" to allow the pregnant person to set the premises for the rest of the conversation.
       If she says she's feeling tiny and is happy about it, tell her she looks great.
       If she says she's feeling small for her stage of pregnancy, tell her you can definitely see a baby bump forming and that it's a cute one.
       If she tells you she's feeling big, tell her she's looking identifiably pregnant and how that's a great thing. Then follow up by telling her stories about people who gain 90 pounds while pregnant, but then lose all the weight within 6 months of the baby being born. Comments like that help give hope to pretty much any pregnant person who's feeling big.
       4) Just because it is common knowledge that (in the majority of cases) conception is made possible by intercourse, that women are commonly emotional wrecks, and that they more than likely have hemorrhoids, stretch marks, various forms of leaking, and could possibly be in stages of dilation or ephazement does not mean that it is ever appropriate for any third party to make any reference, joke, or comment that even alludes to these well-known facts.