Valentine

Our Valentine's day didn't have any gifts or grand gestures of love. It was just a nice low-key day and we went on a nice date together. This week, however, has definitely helped me to realize that I have the best, every day valentine husband I could ask for.

Before we got married, EVERYBODY and their dog offered marital advice to us. It was usually along the lines of "don't go to bed angry" or "always go to bed angry, you'll have a clearer head in the morning". I dont know why going to bed angry or not is such a big topic of advice, but for some reason people really tend to hammer on that one. In the long run, Sam and I arent ever actually angry so that stupid advice has yet to apply to us one way or the other.

The only advice on marriage that I have ever thought was worth keeping is this:

Many people will tell you that the only way to make a marriage work is if both spouses give their 100% every day. In reality, if you make that expectation of yourself, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. The real key to marriage is that together, you and your spouse equal 100% as a couple. Some days you'll only have 10% to give, and your husband will need to give 90%. Other days he'll be at a 30%, so you'll need to give 70%. The art of marriage is making sure to keep the ratio of support balanced.

I totally had a 20% week this last week. I was tired, flustered, overwhelmed, and easily affected by seemingly non-important things; like lame people on the Internet or whatever. I was also way down on myself for not satisfactorily performing in any facet of my life; like there's just too much to do and I'm sucking at all of it. I attempted to put on a happy face any time that I talked to Sam though, because he hadn't done anything wrong and he hardly needed to be bothered with my own pouty-for-no-good-reason neurosis on top of all of his schoolwork and projects. Plus, I just wanted to give myself time to pull myself back together before he could notice that I was bummed.

On Thursday though, I was still in a funk and I decided to violently clean the house to make myself at least feel proactive. I was in the middle of my self-pity party when Sam came home from work. I didnt even go meet him at the door like I always do. I didnt even say hi. I just kept cleaning. He had been home for like 3 minutes without me saying anything or coming out to see him, which is a first in Sam+Lori history. Addie crawled out to greet him, and he brought her back to the room where I was cleaning. I knew he was standing there, but I didnt even look up. Then I heard a crumpling, and Sam say "no no Addie, those are for mommy". I finally looked up, and there was Sam, standing there with Addie in one arm, and a bouquet of roses just for me in the other.

What a stinkin' sweetheart!!! I hadnt even really told him that I was down at all during the week or during that day in particular. My not greeting him at the door was the fist time that I allowed myself to do something obvious that might denote "unhappy wife". But he had already bought me flowers before that even happened! The second I saw him standing there, I felt a huge weight lift off of me. I felt so loved and taken care of, and it was just so sweet that he knew me well enough to know that deep down, I needed some flowers. All of the petty things that I had let get me down just didn't seem to matter anymore.

So that advice I received before we got married has definitely rung true for us. You can't give your own personal 100% all of the time. The beauty of marriage is having someone else there who will notice when you don't have your all to give, and will go out of their way to help lift you back up.

So three cheers to my eternal Valentine, Sam. I wouldn't ever choose anyone else to be with and I really feel like the luckiest girl in the world. This next week marks 4 years since Sam and I started dating, and it's definitely been the happiest 4 years I could have hoped for.

And, for this post's picture- here are me and Sam at the stake dance on our first Valentine's day as a couple: